Thu:20-11-2008

- Rihanna And Chris Brown Live In Sydney

Read The Review Here

Since most of the universe was at this show in Sydney's Acer Arena, I thought I'd provide some commentary on what was undoubtedly the most hyped gig of the year. With the economy not nearly as solid as Chris Brown's shoulders, the pressure was on to deliver on this ludicrously expensive night out.

First, some context. During her first show on Friday night, 20-year-old Rihanna doubled over during her performance of 'Umbrella' and had to be rushed off stage by paramedics. The rumors began, ranging from she was pregnant, asthmatic, on drugs, or perhaps, the most realistic, exhausted by the ridiculous schedule set up by her promoters. Rihanna went on record to say that it was "too hot" on stage. As someone who pretty much lives at the cavernous Acer Arena, possibly the coldest entertainment venue on the planet, I could only respond - "What the hell?" If a preening Axl Rose could survive with pyrotechnics galore, surely the Barbados-born princess could manage with a few lights.

Things didn't get much better when the show was delayed by half an hour by a pompous British voiceover, fuelling speculation among the female dominated audience that Rihanna was indeed collapsing/giving birth/vomiting back stage and Chris Brown, ever the gentleman, was holding back her shortly cropped hair as she did so. Whatever happened was obviously short-lived, because Mr Brown came bouncing on stage 15 minutes later with his posse of dancers and DJ in tow.

Let's get one thing straight about Chris Brown; he is a mind-blowingly incredible dancer. He pops, he locks, he pumps his chest like he's suffering arrhythmia and generally makes the 95% female contingent of the crowd go absolutely berserk. Now, that does not disguise the fact that Brown cannot, or does not sing. He is so busy running around like a maniac having So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance offs that he forgets he's actually here as a musician. Apparently.

What Brown cleverly (if you're not really paying attention) does is put himself into every backing track, allowing him the freedom to lip sync and then jump in with a couple of "ooh's" in every chorus without most people realising. I did. Everyone also noticed the shameless, money and time grabbing DJ, who not only pimped a mobile phone wallpaper service (3 times!), but also decided he'd blow 20 minutes by playing Katy Perry and Metro Station to the idiotic tweens in the audience. In doing so, he guaranteed Chris the longest set in his life, which was clearly a set up for the fact that Rihanna wanted to be on stage for as little time as possible. Or not

When Brown appeared on a floating stage in the middle of the set, ripped off his shirt and started pelvic thrusting towards all the tweeny girls in the audience, I'm quite sure a few of them symbolically lost their virginity all at once. Sure, he's sex in sneakers, but does he have any class? With the dreadful reprise of his Michael Jackson pantomime act, I should think not. Put this guy in movies, not on stage.

Rihanna wasted no time hitting the stage in the most absurdly amazing get-up I've ever seen - fishnets, bikini, black leather boots - and it was about time after Brown nearly turned everyone gay. Unlike Brown, Rihanna sings every single note, in tune, with that gorgeous tropical lilt that has made her a superstar. Plus, she blows off any idea of being a light pop act; with a band comprising of a monster session drummer, an emo keytar player and a guitarist who must have been in Soundgarden at some point, this show blows your mind. She is so incredibly professional that every American Idol must be quaking in their boots. That includes you, Jordan Sparks. And her frailty the night before proves that being a humongous star is not all it's cracked up to be. As such, her dedication and energy, especially given that she probably wasn't functioning at 100%, is well deserving of compliment.

As to Rihanna's heat complaints, I hadn't really predicted that there would be balls of fire shooting up around her while she sang 'Disturbia', that she'd attach herself to a harness and go flying through the air during 'Umbrella'and generally put herself in a variety of positions that would make most of us puke. Make no mistake; this girl is the real deal. And when she bends backwards hitting a perfect note and sinking to her knees, you know she loves what she does. Her band, with the cool jazz set-up to 'SOS' and the reggae intro to 'Umbrella', help make this show the arena spectacular the little girls were promised. And yes, when Chris Brown returns to sing the end of 'Umbrella', everybody starts bawling, like they hadn't seen them kissing in every gossip rag released this year.

Being the cynical music critic, I tried really hard not to like this performance, but I did. This is an example of how to use Acer Arena to its full potential, and give people value for money, especially in these times of economic woe. It helps, of course, that Rihanna, in person, is as mind-blowingly hot as she is in magazines; spunky as all hell with her pixie hair, gorgeous in any outfit and pretty much giving Beyonce a serious run for her money.

These guys probably turned over a couple of million each tonight. And I'm older than both of them. That's kind of depressing, but I'm still singing 'Distrubia' in my head, so I'll manage.

By Jonno Seidler

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